I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
