Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
