I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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