I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize