I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
