Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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