You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
