my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize