those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
