U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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