Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
