Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize