Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
