I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
