i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
