that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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