I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
