I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
In America we eat man semen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
