We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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