So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
