So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
