All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
