i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
