so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
