I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
