no, he came in my armpit
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
