So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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