afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I party with great urgency now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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