saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
