found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
