wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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