we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
