did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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