Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
