my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
