Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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