Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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