Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
