He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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