The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
