oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
