just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
