after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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