THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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