$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
