You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
