i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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