i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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