One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
