i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
