I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My liver just had a heart attack.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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