her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
