So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
