You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
