Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
