you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
