"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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