Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
is that a dick in a sweater?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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