Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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