I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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