New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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