it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
