Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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