Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
