Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
