Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
