come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
