How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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