Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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