me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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