ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
