phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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