I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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