Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
